One day while I was mindlessly grocery shopping it came to me how easy it is for me to always say the wrong thing at the wrong time (WT@TWT). Aware of the security cameras around the store I almost burst out laughing. Some people have the gift of gab, or the gift for always saying or writing the right thing at the right time. No bragging or boasting, my gift is just the opposite. Really, its beyond a gift, it’s a talent, honed over sixty-four years of experience. No, no, I hear you saying, that can’t be true, sweet, little old innocent you? To quote Miss Piggy, “Moi?”
The first clue is when I say something innocent and someone snarls, “Well, that wasn’t very nice!” For example, I’ve said, “I hope I look as good as you do at your age.” See, to me that’s a compliment. A put down would have been to add, “At your advanced age”, which I didn’t say but everyone thought they heard me say. So now, Bingo, I did it again. Sigh.
When showing dogs and a friend’s dog is a complete dud in the obedience ring, do I keep my mouth shut as they leave the ring? Heck, no. I say, “No steak for him tonight,” a stupid-WTH are you thinking statement. Why didn’t I just pat the friend on the back and kick their dog for them? Instead anyone within hearing distance rolls their eyes at me at which point I feel like taking a bow.
My Dad used to say that I never learned how to use inflection in my voice. I’m too monotone. So I promptly learned to swear-with vigor. But that didn’t help me learn how to say the right thing at the right time. Quite the opposite.
OMG, I just had an epiphany. Saying the WT@TWT is genetic, from my Dad. He’s very, very good at that, ask my sister-in-law. Right Jean?
Well, I’d better wrap this up. I think I’ll go over and talk to my neighbor and put my foot in my mouth as I give him unasked for dog training advise. But hey, it’s a gift. Aren’t you a tad bit jealous?